Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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