so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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