I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
