My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize