We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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