Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
