May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
