nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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