He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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