Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
