you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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