I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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