I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
