my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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