Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
