I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
