finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize