everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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