You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want to make out with him forever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
