yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
