I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
