and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
