It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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