apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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