Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
