i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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