I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
