You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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