I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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