dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just googled if crying burns calories
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
