I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
