please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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