bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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