you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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