i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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