so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
