I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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