the condom got lost in my hair
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
