There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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