Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize