soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
