My sheets look like a crime scene.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
