bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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