There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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