I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
