I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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