watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
