I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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