you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
