if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need a beard to bite.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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