So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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