i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
