I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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