yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
