Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
