Porn is love you can see.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
