I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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