There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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