If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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