make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
